RAMBLING: Baby Fever And Not the Temperature Kind

I have baby fever. I feel like everyone around me is pregnant and if not planning on being pregnant soon. I have been doing a stroller piece for the Celebrity Baby Blog and some of them come with amazing-looking bassinets. Not to mention all the new baby products that come out everyday.

I THINK I want another baby. But I don't KNOW if do. And that's where I sit. I thought LLB would be an only child when I got pregnant with her. I'm an only child, and initially thought I would not have an only child and then just before becoming pregnant realized the "benefits." I'm a working mom, say what you want about that, but I LOVE what I do and I LOVE my child, too. I feel like I have the best of each world. I knew that being a working mom meant my attention was already slightly split and having more then one child would mean even more division. This wasn't an idea I liked.

I decided early on, that even IF we wanted another baby we would wait until LLB was 2. I wanted to wait until 2 for a couple of reasons. If you haven't figured it out, I'm a fairly high strung individual. I'm just wired that way. I'm slightly OCD and always computing something in my brain. I wanted to see what my sweet girl would be like at the terrible 2s before I decided to have another. I also wanted to see what I was like dealing with her. Could I handle her? On a good day yes, on a bad day I feel like a terrible mom.

I like that right now I can focus all my energy and passion and ... EVERYTHING on her. I also am not sure I can handle the "stress" of another baby. I love my husband dearly but he's not much help and lord knows with 2 kids I would need his help. We live in a VERY small house, hubby reminds me everyday that people have multiple kids in 1 bedroom apartments all the time. I'm not that kind of person. I don't just decide to have a baby to have a baby, I plan, I lay it out and a 2 bedroom house with 4 inhabitants is not in my plan.

I also know that my baby fever is a result of my baby becoming a full fledged toddler. She's not my sweet, little, cuddly baby anymore. And I need to make sure that I don't decide to have another because I'm hoping to "rewind" time. It doesn't work that way.

Also, LLB was a DREAM baby. Seriously, we were extremely lucky, I think the only problem we had with her prior to 15 months was that she didn't sleep through the night (I'm talking about 10-12 hour stretches) until sometime around 9-12 months. That was it. I know the chances of baby #2 being as good are minimal, I'm not that lucky.

My pregnancy wasn't bad but it wasn't a dream, I had Gestational Diabetes and was VERY uncomfortable at the end. I also became very antsy, I'm an instant gratification person and waiting for the baby to appear was killing me. I'd hope with baby #2 this wouldn't be the case, but who knows.

Lastly, how often can you "tempt" fate. I saw a baby at Best Buy yesterday who was disabled, a beautiful little girl, and she made my heart leap. I was always worried that LLB would have some sort of disability, and I don't know if I can trust that baby #2 wouldn't have something wrong with it. This sounds incredibly vain, I know, I promise I don't intend it that way. I am seriously not cut out to handle a special needs child, and I think it takes a lot of personal insight to know that about yourself and openly admit it. I admire those parents who raise above the disorders and raise amazing kids. I just don't think I could.

Sorry for the brain dump, but all this leads me back to... when do you know you want another? Does it just click one day? UGH! I know that I have approx a year to make this decision, as I don't want them too far apart. After 2008 I think this shop will close down.

Baby, Baby, Baby,
Bronwyn