Saturday, December 22, 2007

RAMBLING: Baby Fever And Not the Temperature Kind

I have baby fever. I feel like everyone around me is pregnant and if not planning on being pregnant soon. I have been doing a stroller piece for the Celebrity Baby Blog and some of them come with amazing-looking bassinets. Not to mention all the new baby products that come out everyday.

I THINK I want another baby. But I don't KNOW if do. And that's where I sit. I thought LLB would be an only child when I got pregnant with her. I'm an only child, and initially thought I would not have an only child and then just before becoming pregnant realized the "benefits." I'm a working mom, say what you want about that, but I LOVE what I do and I LOVE my child, too. I feel like I have the best of each world. I knew that being a working mom meant my attention was already slightly split and having more then one child would mean even more division. This wasn't an idea I liked.

I decided early on, that even IF we wanted another baby we would wait until LLB was 2. I wanted to wait until 2 for a couple of reasons. If you haven't figured it out, I'm a fairly high strung individual. I'm just wired that way. I'm slightly OCD and always computing something in my brain. I wanted to see what my sweet girl would be like at the terrible 2s before I decided to have another. I also wanted to see what I was like dealing with her. Could I handle her? On a good day yes, on a bad day I feel like a terrible mom.

I like that right now I can focus all my energy and passion and ... EVERYTHING on her. I also am not sure I can handle the "stress" of another baby. I love my husband dearly but he's not much help and lord knows with 2 kids I would need his help. We live in a VERY small house, hubby reminds me everyday that people have multiple kids in 1 bedroom apartments all the time. I'm not that kind of person. I don't just decide to have a baby to have a baby, I plan, I lay it out and a 2 bedroom house with 4 inhabitants is not in my plan.

I also know that my baby fever is a result of my baby becoming a full fledged toddler. She's not my sweet, little, cuddly baby anymore. And I need to make sure that I don't decide to have another because I'm hoping to "rewind" time. It doesn't work that way.

Also, LLB was a DREAM baby. Seriously, we were extremely lucky, I think the only problem we had with her prior to 15 months was that she didn't sleep through the night (I'm talking about 10-12 hour stretches) until sometime around 9-12 months. That was it. I know the chances of baby #2 being as good are minimal, I'm not that lucky.

My pregnancy wasn't bad but it wasn't a dream, I had Gestational Diabetes and was VERY uncomfortable at the end. I also became very antsy, I'm an instant gratification person and waiting for the baby to appear was killing me. I'd hope with baby #2 this wouldn't be the case, but who knows.

Lastly, how often can you "tempt" fate. I saw a baby at Best Buy yesterday who was disabled, a beautiful little girl, and she made my heart leap. I was always worried that LLB would have some sort of disability, and I don't know if I can trust that baby #2 wouldn't have something wrong with it. This sounds incredibly vain, I know, I promise I don't intend it that way. I am seriously not cut out to handle a special needs child, and I think it takes a lot of personal insight to know that about yourself and openly admit it. I admire those parents who raise above the disorders and raise amazing kids. I just don't think I could.

Sorry for the brain dump, but all this leads me back to... when do you know you want another? Does it just click one day? UGH! I know that I have approx a year to make this decision, as I don't want them too far apart. After 2008 I think this shop will close down.

Baby, Baby, Baby,
Bronwyn

2 comments:

Monika K. said...

I too have had many discussions with my hubby about baby #2. We have a 6 month old baby girl now so we have some time but I too am a working mom and think of the benefits of being/having an only child. Currently we have decided to have just one. Our situation is a little more involved since our baby is adopted and she too is a dream baby. The adoption was as easy and straightforward as it could get. Do we want to tempt fate with the next one? I told my husband that I reserve the right to change my mind up to the time when our little girl is 3. I love this baby stage but I also am looking forward to her walking and talking. Sometimes the baby stage can get quite exhausting and then I think, do I have enough patience for another one not to mention money to pay for daycare? I look at my sister-in-law who has a 4 year old and a 1 year old and there is always chaos in her house. One thing you don't have to worry about with one child is sibbling rivalry and fighting. On the other hand, will my child resent me later on for not having a sibling? Did you like being an only child?

Kere said...

Bronwyn,

Every single point you made here is EXACTLY what all my points are every time I get baby fever. We are so on the same wave lengths :-)

K